“Your beard is so amazing, it makes me want to have one so I can run and have it flow behind me!” – female beard admirer
When a man decides to grow facial Kevlar it is a momentous decision, one that should not be taken lightly or abandoned under any circumstances. When the going gets tough I summon the inner strength that comes from my epic beard.
This beard protects my face from the elements. It allows me to save crumbs for later should I get hungry in the middle of nowhere. It hides my identity from all the women who used to stalk me. Of course, now I have new women stalking me…but these woman have tattoos and piercings and I’m okay with that.
My beard has a name. His name is Samson. My wife, who hereinafter will be referred to as “Management” despises Samson. I feel that this is partially due to all the attention that I receive from the ladies because of my prodigious beard. I mean, let’s be realistic. What woman does not desire the rugged, mysterious, Neanderthalesque look that such a beard affords? Once the ladies see the badass offspring that I have produced, it simply adds to the intrigue.
But seriously, being the most awesomely bearded Spartan out there has allowed me to meet so many great people who remember seeing me at various races and approach me. We exchange stories of personal victories and get each other through setbacks. Being remembered for my facial hair actually helps me meet new people. But those people have given me support, advice, and friendship. And that is something no amount of facial hair can give you, but it certainly doesn’t hurt.
The beard is a powerful force for those who use it for good. So, if you venture to the side of the beard, know the power of the beard and wield it wisely.
Carry on. #fearthebeard